The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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