A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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