dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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