i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
