She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
