there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
