guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
