I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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