I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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