no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
