Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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