So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
