I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
