He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
