Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
