Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
