And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
