When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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