these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
