I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
