i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
