all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
