hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
