I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
