I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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