Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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