So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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