Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
