They should really pass out barf bags in church
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
