I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
