I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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