hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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