your thong is hanging out like whoa
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
