whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
