you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
