i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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