u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
