You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
