I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
