he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
