i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
