PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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