My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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