My liver just broke up with me...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
