Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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