I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
