You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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