i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
