dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
