Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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